January's Update

Like all of us, I am on a journey. My journey this January has been significantly impacted by a book called Walking with God by John Eldredge. I'd like to share with you a quote that has been especially poignant for me, and how this reality has shaped my January.

"Intimacy with God is the purpose of our lives. It's why God created us. Not simply to believe in him, though that is a good beginning. Not only to obey him, though that is a higher life still. God created us for intimate fellowship with himself, and in doing so he established the goal of our existence--to know him, love him, and live our lives in an intimate relationship with him." (Walking with God, p. 12)

I have been learning (re-learning?) that this intimacy means involving God in the tiny details of my life and in the big decisions. It's a high privilege we have of having God of the Universe wanting to speak to you and offer you his guidance, and yet so often I have neglected to listen to Him or obey Him. This even comes down to who I turn to first when I encounter problems -- do I cry out to go or do I go crying/whining to the closest human being I can find? This Friday night I was frustrated about a phone call I'd received. I immediately thought of friends I could talk to, and yet I heard a voice inside saying, "Talk to Me first." I know that friends are important, and that God uses them many times to speak to us, but they can't become a substitute for His friendship. But I knew this was the Holy Spirit calling me to pray. Instead, I started walking to the door so I could go downstairs to talk to my friends. Again at the steps, I heard God say, "Talk to Me first." I said a quick prayer but didn't listen for what He would say back, and then continued down the steps. Again as I stood in front of their door, I paused and thought, "I should go pray about this first." And then I rang the doorbell and we talked. It was good and helfpul, but I came home knowing that my choice was disobedient to my Father's call. It was showing that I do not truly believe that God is ENOUGH for me, nor that in daily reality is He the "best friend" I claim He is. Best friends call best friends first. I am humbled that Jesus even wants that kind of relationship with me, and I am thankful for His forgiveness and grace when I make mistakes, and I am honoured to be learning to step into the reality of intimacy with Him more fully.

The beauty of this intimacy is when I DO listen and obey, and then see a greater glimpse of what God is doing. Thankfully, that didn't take long. The next morning, I woke up and immediately thought of my list of things to do that day. One of them was talk to my parents on MSN Messenger, and I decided to do that right away. As I sat down at the computer, again I heard "a little voice inside" saying, "Don't call now. Wait." I wasn't sure, so I signed in, but still felt that now was NOT the time to be doing this. So, as soon as the computer signed me in, I clicked the little "X" and signed out. I went to do my grocery shopping, unsure why I shouldn't have called but wanting to be obedient this time. When I returned home, I went to sign in again and this time felt peace. It felt "right" this time. I came online and chatted briefly with my mom, but she wasn't feeling well. What was more important was that a friend who I haven't had a good chat with in a while was online, and I could tell within a few moments of our conversation that it was going to be an important one. My mom went to bed, and I continued talking with my friend for almost 2 hours (while grading exams). The conversation was truly a "heart to heart," and I know we were both tremendously blessed by it. As we ended our talk, I knew that THIS was the reason I had to wait to call my parents. God was "setting this up." If I hadn't listened, I would have missed it. I'm so glad I didn't.

Another way that God has blessed me in this is in making my "quiet times" a more real connection with Him, instead of just Bible reading because it's the thing Christians are supposed to do every day. The Bible is God's written word to us, but I believe He wants to take that written word and make it come alive each day. His Word has been coming alive often this week as I follow John Eldredge's advice to simply stop and ask God, "What would you have me read today?" After all, Jesus is my Shepherd and it's His book, so why not lead Him lead to me to the very word He has for me for this day? As I have done this for the past couple of weeks, the Lord has brought many different Scriptures to mind. For some, I understand their relevant message right away. For others, it doesn't become clear until later on, but at least I know this is a "low risk" way to practice listening to God's voice. Whatever I read in this Book will ultimately be His words anyway. Still, I have found that when I give Him the chance to speak and to guide my Bible reading, He usually does. Two weeks ago it was John 10, "I am the Good Shepherd...I know my sheep and my sheep know me...they will listen to My voice." When I was striving to "make a difference" for God it was John 15, "I am the vine and you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." When I was stressed about grading exams, it was Isaiah 40:29, "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." Yes, He does!

If what I am saying confuses you or intrigues you or excites you, I encourage you to read the book Walking with God and find out for yourself. These are realities that I have known before but I have not walked in for a long time. But it is a very sweet thing to be "walking with God" like this once again, and going deeper than before.

Yes, there are a lot of other things that have been going on this January, but here's a few highlights:
- my class was preparing for and writing final exams, which brings added stress but I'm very proud of them.
- there were some new decisions made about next year's high school which make me even more excited about staying.
- I've started studying Japanese again and a big milestone was successfully making a hair appointment in Japanese (rough, but sucessful!).
- I'm continually challenged by teaching the Bible to students, Christian and non-Christian, because I want them to KNOW God through the Bible but it needs to be taught in a way that is relevant and understandable for them. I find that hard to do, so please be praying that God will help me do that well.
- We had a very refreshing night of worship with friends just last week, which was a great mix of prayer, singing, and loads of laughs
- But most exciting - my brothers have posted their music on MYSPACE with their band "Finding Forever." It's definitely worth listening to! www.myspace.com/wearefindingforever.

Have a blessed day, and let me know how you are doing!

His,

Stephanie